Women Complain Because They Want to be "Soothed"

Now there's one thing in the world that I trust absolutely.

And that's My Girl Mary-Ann Evans. That's George Eliot to you. She was the daughter of a carpenter that rose to be an estate manager, managing the estates of rich rural magnates in the old rural England. Her chef d'oeuvre is probably Middlemarch.

So, we can say of George Eliot that, like Susan Sowerby, mother of ten in The Secret Garden, "she knows."

Now, in order to celebrate Christmas I have been re-reading Eliot's first full-length novel Adam Bede. Adam is a carpenter and rises to become the estate manager for Arthur Donnithorne. Adam is tall, strong, worthy, and courageous.

But Adam's mother is an eternal complainer, as in my earth-shattering notion that women have a Culture of Complaint.

But now comes Mary-Ann Evans, and "she knows." So here is a fragment about Adam's mother, Lisbeth Bede.

Like all complaining women, she complained in the expectation of being soothed, and when Adam said nothing, she was only prompted to complain more bitterly.

Did you get that, guys?

Women complain in the expectation of being soothed.

Does that align with my notion of "women expect to be protected" or not?

By the way, guess who is George Eliot's Soother-in-chief?

Right first time. It's Dinah Morris, the sainted Methodist lay-preacher and heroine in Adam Bede. and one of the people she soothes is Adam's mother Lisbeth.

(She also soothes the antagonist Hetty Sorrel before Hetty needs soothing. But she will need soothing, of course, and the sainted Dinah already knows it.)

Now, if a woman is complaining it is probably because she is anxious. And why is she anxious? Because she is concerned that she may not be protected.

And so, what is the point of soothing the anxious woman? To assure her that, don't worry darling, you are going to be protected.

By the way, this all aligns with our current safetyism, the notion of women all complaining about "stress." Not to mention workplace harassment. This all aligns with my talk about Women in the Public Square, that they are in the process, per Georg Simmel, of adapting the public square to suit "a more feminine sensibility."

Women expect to be protected; they need to be safe. When they are uncertain about that protection they complain. When they complain they don't want to be told to shut up and stop complaining -- such a guy thing! They want to be soothed, and they want to be told that everything will be all right.

Hmm. I remember, back in the olden time, how my sainted mother used to chuckle about my Dad. How he would tell her "it'll be all right."

See? Mary-Ann Evans is right. And my mother at least had the wisdom to laugh about my Dad's efforts to soothe her when she was complaining about something.